The Question of Harry's Sexuality
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: aftering leading a parade in honour for gay rights Harry gets accused of being gay himself. Ron and Hermione discover this is not quite true and Kreacher is being cheeky. very silly fic, almost crack!


_HARRY POTTER: A FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL?_

_Last Saturday on the 30__th__ June, the Wizardring world had seen its very first Gay Rights parade that the Minister of Magic (Kingsley Shacklebolt) had authorised. This parade that protested in the defence of same sex relationships and their right to marry had caused many outrages amongst the community both light and dark in unity against the parade. Mr Lucius Malfoy had even come out of seclusion (where he had been living his life privately after escaping imprisonment for his crimes as a Death Eater) to make a statement about the parade, 'it is an abomination and against the very being of human nature'. It was highly shocking when the likes of Lady Longbottom and Mrs Molly Weasley had agreed with the ex-Death Eater. 'Marriage is a blessed thing between a man and woman to give their children a stable home life' Mrs Weasley had announced before denying the many rumours of five out of six of her sons having relations with their male peers. However despite the outrage and protest against the Gay Rights parade it went ahead as planned, with what a shocking surprise, Mr Harry Potter The Boy-Who-Lived, the Chosen One, and the Man-Who-Conquered, (age 19) leading the parade. This causes myself and the Magical Community to wonder if Harry Potter is indeed a homosexual as the many young men and women who marched alongside him. Harry Potter has been an eligible bachelor for the past year after his failed relationship with Ginvera Weasley the renowned Chaser for the Holy Head Harpies. His lack of a romantic life in Hogwarts suggests that he had been highly uncomfortable around female company as he failed to fulfil the sexual and emotional needs of Miss Cho Chang and further his relationship with Miss Luna Lovegood past one date. It had been suggested the high tension between Harry Potter and the Malfoy heir Draco is due to sexual tension. Specialists have agreed that it is likely that Draco Malfoy did not attend the Gay Rights parade because of his father. This is Rita Skeeter promising to find out if Harry Potter is indeed a flaming homosexual or just simply lacking the wooing skills of a true wizard. _

"What a load of bull!" Hermione snarled over the breakfast table once Ron finished reading the article out loud. "Honestly that woman! There were many other people marching in that parade and not all of them were homosexual!"

"You don't have to tell me, 'Mione I was there you know," Ron mumbled as he shovelled his scrambled eggs into his mouth. He barely chewed before he swallowed. "There's no point moaning about it, we all know Rita Skeeter is the biggest liar on the planet and there is little we can do about it since she registered her animagus form. I'm just glad she didn't put my name down otherwise I would be in for a howler."

Hermione scowled at that. She could not believe that Mrs Weasley was against gay rights but then again the woman was against sex before marriage so it shouldn't be that surprising. Her scowl deepened when she glanced back down at the newspaper. "What happened, did Umbridge escape Azkaban?" Harry's cheerful voice wafted into the kitchen as he entered. "Thank you, Kreacher," he added as the house elf passed him his morning juice.

"Skeeter wrote an article about how gay you are," Ron said between bites of toast, "'Mione keeps sulking about it."

"I am not sulking, Ronald! I'm simply frustrated with the fact there is little I can do to change the fact that everyone thinks Harry is gay!" Hermione screeched.

Harry snorted. "Well that's stupid. Everyone knows I'm not gay-"

"Well anyone with a bra-"

"In fact I'm pretty sure everyone in Hogwarts knew I was bisexual," Harry continued as if Hermione had never attempted to interrupt him.

Ron choked on his toast while Hermione gaped at Harry wordlessly. Kreacher muttered darkly under his breath filling the awkward quietness (Ron was still choking) that filled the room. Harry was suddenly aware of two pairs of stunned eyes staring at him.

"Ah..."Harry said. "You didn't know that, did you?" Hermione and Ron shook their heads. "Well then...erm...I'm going to work." Before Hermione or Ron could say anything Harry disappeared out of the kitchen door.

"I..."

"Wha..."

"Is Mistress Granger and Master Weasley finished with their breakfast?" Kreacher asked. "Or do they wish Kreacher to reheat it while they think about Master Harry's sinful life?"

"You knew?" Ron yelped. "Even the house elf knew before us! How does that make sense? We're his best friends!"

"Kreacher finds that Mistress Granger and Master Weasley do not always pay attention. Now do you wish Kreacher to reheat your breakfast and be late for work or let Kreacher clean up and go to work before you're late?"

Hermione immediately jumped up and screamed while Ron shot Kreacher a look. "I think I preferred it when you were ruder. You never made us miss breakfast back then."

"No Kreacher used to spit in your breakfast back then, Master Weasley, sir; those were the good old days..."

Ron wasn't sure whether or not Kreacher was joking. He thought it was better to just to go to work and pretend he didn't hear Kreacher's last words.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Ron and Hermione didn't corner Harry until late that night. Hermione had been busy all day presenting a protection law for House elves while the closest Ron got to Harry was when Malfoy confronted him over the article. It was hilarious for the fellow training aurors to watch Malfoy scream till he was blue how there was no sexual tension between them and even if there was Harry would never be good enough for Malfoy. There is now a betting pool about Malfoy secretly having a crush on Harry.

"So..." Hermione said with a steely glint in her eyes.

"So?" Harry questioned cheekily.

"When were you going to tell us about you being bisexual?" Hermione demanded. "We're your best friends, Harry; we shouldn't be kept in the dark."

"Yeah...and I thought you were interested in girls, so what changed?" Ron added. He didn't really care if Harry was a flaming homosexual; he just wanted to know when it all started, and why he didn't notice it. "You know we don't care if you want to snog Malfoy...well okay that's a lie, I would care, but I wouldn't give a fig if you wanted to snog boys in general."

Harry's cheeks flushed a bright red. "I..." he struggled to say something. "I just thought you knew...I mean the tw-George knows. And Bill, Fleur, Ginny, Percy, and the Ministry in general...Mrs Weasley doesn't but then she thinks Ginny and I still have a chance to get married."

Ron and Hermione rolled their eyes. Mrs Weasley had been annoying the whole world with her determination to marry Ginny off to Harry. They were also feeling a little irritated that even Percy knew before them. So irritated that it drowned out the reminder that Fred Weasley was dead and the hurt and grieve it brought.

"Who was your first guy kiss?" Hermione asked. If Harry was going to dance around the whole _'I thought you knew' _thing then she might as well get to the point and drag out some very well kept secrets. "And was it before or after you kissed Cho?"

Harry suddenly found the new carpet (plain cream as the room had been redecorated to an airy, light, calm room as Hermione asked) far more interesting than Hermione's face. "Before," he mumbled.

"And you never told us?" Hermione shrieked. "I told you all about my first kiss with Victor Krum-"

"_What?"_

"-and Ron undoubtedly told you about Lavender," Hermione carried on as if Ron had never spoken. She also ignored Ron's thunderstruck expression. "So who the hell kissed you before Cho?"

"Oliver Wood..." Harry whispered. He coughed as if to clear his throat or maybe it was to find some much needed courage because he soon began to retell it. "Just after we won the Quidditch Cup. He came up to me in the changing rooms and snogged me. Told me he always admired my seeker skills and then sort of just left me there when he went to hug the twins."

"Well that certainly explains why Wood has never been seen with a girl," Ron muttered.

"If Oliver was the only boy you've been with and it had only been a kiss, how do you know you're bisexual?" Hermione asked.

"Well...ihadacrushonecedric!" Harry mumbled hurriedly.

"Huh?" Ron and Hermione said.

"I...had...well...a...I fancied Cedric Diggory, all right! He was very handsome and nice!" Harry looked very defensive and hurt as he crossed his arms and now found the wall behind Ron and Hermione rather interesting.

"Oh Harry!" Hermione cried out. She crossed the distance between them and hugged him tightly. "No wonder you were so upset in Fifth Year! You just saw someone you cared for deeply been killed!"

"Have you ever been in love with a boy?" Ron blurted out his curiosity getting the better of him. He knew vaguely about the girls, after lots of teasing and jeering from Dean and Seamus Harry had admitted to thinking the Chasers as 'hot', having a full blown out crush on Cho Chang, fancied Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, the Patil twins, and Luna Lovegood, and then really liked Ginny. "I mean I know about all the girls, but what about blokes?"

Harry flushed. "I am...in love with a man right now yes," he hesitated. "And I am in love with a woman as well. I think I should go to bed!" he finished off abruptly and ran out of the living room door as quickly as he left the kitchen earlier that morning.

"Does that mean he loves both?" Ron asked dumbly trying to grasp on what just happened.

"Here is your night time hot coco Master Weasley and Mistress Granger," Kreacher croaked as he magically appeared out of thin air with a tray. "I hear Master Harry has confessed his love for you both. Kreacher is very happy despite the disgusting arrangement you have."

"Disgusting?" Ron questioned.

"Kreacher was taught to disapprove of same sex relations. Kreacher is allowed to speak of this disapproval as long as Kreacher keeps quiet on other matters like blood purity."

"Oh my god!" Hermione shrieked as what Kreacher said sunk in. "Harry is in love with us!"

"Mistress Granger did not know?"

"WHAT?"

"HARRY!"

Hermione and Ron quickly ran out of the room and thundering could be heard as they ran up the stairs to Harry's bedroom.

"Kreacher wonders if Master Harry will give Kreacher fudge flies or socks..."

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

_FIRST GAY MARRIAGE – WITH A TWIST!_

_Yesterday on 30__th__ June, Britain had witnessed it's very first wedding between two men. But there was a twist! Ronald Weasley (age 20) and Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, the Chosen One, and the Man-Who-Conquered, (age 20) had not only married each other but Miss Hermione Granger (age 21) who recently passed a bill to preserve Centaur rights. The wedding was held on the anniversary of the first gay parade when reporter Rita Skeeter questioned Mr Potter's sexuality (for further news on Rita Skeeter's trial for invasion of privacy please look to pg 3). The Golden Trio had stated they chose this date because it had relevance for the change in their relationship with one another. Ronald Weasley had even admitted that the only reason they are marrying within a year of developing a romantic relationship is because 'one of us got Hermione up the duff, and of course I get the blame because my family is the most fertile'. Ronald Weasley went to work the following morning with a black eye, obviously the now Mrs Weasley-Potter (as the public had taken to call her as Hermione Granger refuses to change her name) had given to him for the poor tasted statement. Mrs Weasley the magical mother in law for Mr Potter was highly displeased with the match but chose to remain silent for her children's happiness. The muggle parent in laws Mr and Mrs Granger made no comment though this reporter can see they are happy for their daughter. Mr Potter had been questioned by the press after the ceremony and all he had to say was 'this day wouldn't be possible without a very cheeky house elf', this statement of course puzzles the world. This is Lavender Brown wishing the three of them all the happiness in the world and promises to post more news if possible. _


End file.
